Dating back to Victorian Britain when guests were invited to tea, once seated one would ask, “Shall I be mother?” The individual would be anyone present, female or male, except the host or hostess. The role of “mother” was to pour and serve the tea. It was an honor to do so.
Five O'Clock Tea by Julius Leblanc Stewart (1884), Iris & B. Gerald Cantor collection, New York City
“It is better that one asks, “Shall I be mother?” otherwise the host or hostess will ask “Who shall be mother?” Among all the components of a good afternoon tea, water, pot, tea leaves, milk, and sugar; the most important element is “mother”.
“Mother” is not the matron of the group, but anyone male, female, young or old, who accepts the responsibility of ensuring that the cups of the group are always filled. One person who is not “mother” is the host or hostess, as this person will be too busy preparing and serving the refreshments and the food and welcoming the guests as they arrive.” Adapted from: SerendipiTea: A Guide to the Varieties, Origins and Rituals of Tea by Tomislav Podreka
Although the phrase has become somewhat outdated it is still heard amongst informal groups taking tea together. Just this weekend a friend and I went for afternoon tea at Tea & Sympathy in NYC.
Not only was I “mother” after offering, but I heard many patrons at tables within earshot excitedly asking their respective companions, “Shall I be mother?” So, next time you go to tea with friends or host a tea party, why not keep this charming though waning tradition alive? After all, Mother Knows Best!